Too Much to Lose

It was about 11:25, 11:27 not quite 11:30, I know this because I was waiting for our song to come on the radio. I generally pull up to work and get out either just as its coming on or as its going off.  Star 107.60 my favorite radio station usually plays it as the introduction to the late night love music. "Between the Sheets" by the Isley Brothers, yeap, that song almost always gets my adrenaline going, and they play it every night, as the DJ's switch shifts from the HipHop hour to the Easy Listening and R&B.
I work nights at the hospital as a administrator from midnight until eight in the morning. On this night however Im not going in to work, Im headed to surprise my sexy, beautiful chocolate adonis Smith, who I have been dating for the past 6 years. I know your probably thinking, who dates for 6 years anymore. Well you aint the only one, hmph, I mean its not like I have not had countless men attempt to put a ring on it. As I roll my eyes at that damn Beyonce, I remind myself how  none of those men were ever capable of even coming remotely close to bending and twisting my body in to submission quite the way Smith does. 
I called in to work because I needed a break and besides Smith and I have been missing each other for the last few days. I have been so busy with preparing for my move that our relationship has been reduced to texting and emails even though we live less that 20 minutes apart.
I have been craving me some him and I know he needs his Rochelle fix too. "Rochelle girl, you got a body out of this world" "Rochelle girl you make me weak in the knees "Rochelle girl, you know how to keep a nigga smiling from ear to ear" "Rochelle girl, Im sprung off that good and sweet puzzy you possess between them legs, I need you in my life" same shit just on different days. I wanna hear for a change "Rochelle, you are the love of my life and I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you" I mean shit, all of this aint gonnna stay tight forever.  These big ol titties were'nt soley made for no grown mans pleasure and his pleasure alone. I am built like them statuesque women in Africa, at least that what my granny be saying. My granny stay saying "girl you know you got them child bearing hips, lawd today I remember when I had that bossy body like you got". I just laugh at my Granny because even though she pushing seventy, she can give some of these younger chicks a run for their money.
As I approach Smiths condo I am trying to figure out why his car is parked behind some other car in his stall. Then it occured to me that on Thursday nights, his boys from the ship usually come over to hang out and play spades. I usually work on Thursdays so I miss it every time. As I pull up towards the drive way Im kind of puzzled because this white car doesnt look familiar and then I notice a "Princess" license plate frame on the back frame area. Oh lawd, which one of his boys done muscled some innocent chick out of her car again, I shake my head.

Smith, well actually his name is Lamontez Smith, its common for military folks to refer to one another by last name is from Chicago. He is 29 and resembles a young Gerald Levert, but much taller and fitter. Smith or Tez is what I call him, has been active duty since he was 24, really smart and intelligent guy and I worship the ground he walks on. He is very polite but he has his moments when his temper is to much for me to bear, and thats when I have to pull the plug and distance myself. Things have been good with us lately though, nothing at work has set him off and he has been cool for the most part. I was actually surprised that he came over last week to help me pack for my move coming up in a week. I decided that living in this busy city is just to much for me and I want a little peace and solitude. Im moving about 2 hours away from him but the hospital is allowing me to transfer to a more closer facility so my commute will be less stressful. I am about to be 30 myself and as I approach that landmark, Im feeling like I need more stability and less drama.
"Just me and you
(Just me and you)
Dont worry bout Michael
Dont worry bout Jonny (we dont need nobody else)
Dont worry bout Terry baby " my ringtone for Tez, Just Me And You  by Tone Toni Tone'. I was just getting ready to knock on his door.

"Open up Im outside babe, I still cant find my key" I say with a eager smile on my face. I look incredibly sexy with my seven jeans, a black lace top with a cute VS bra underneath, my curls are bouncy, and my Giuseppe black boots are winning, and not to mention my lip gloss is poppin. Without my stilettos, Im about 5"8. People always tell me I look like that singer Kelis except I have hazel eyes and plus Kelis is lame. Chick was married to Nas, and I mean she was the envy amongst all girls. At least she got a child support, I mean a baby out the deal. I shake my head at myself.
"Your where?" Tez answers with a certain shock in his voice.
"Im outside at the front door, I didnt go to work tonight, I wanted to surprise you, what were you sleeping, are you coming to open the door" I ask because I can sense the hesitation in his voice and even more the grogginess. That boy know he can be moody when his sleep is interrupted.
"Uh, uh, uh naw, Im not even, here... I mean there, Im um over my boy Jenkins house. Why aint you at work?" he ask me like he fumbling for words or something.
"Well, why is your car here and whose car are you parked behind anyway?" I asked getting irritated because something dont quite seem right.
"Oh,..... thats, uh Jenkins sisters car, he drove it to my place and we all rode with Bishop to go to this new afterhours spot. You know Bishop dont do no drinking and we making him drive us around and shyt" he says. It does start to make a little sense, but I dont know, my intuition and some kind of butterfly in my stomach is telling me otherwise.
"Oh well, when you coming home because I wanted to spend the night, I need some baby, I miss you" I say in my girly voice, then I look up at the light on in his room. "Why you leave the lights on in the upstairs bedroom, you just be wasting money" I tell him as Im heading to my car.
"Oh, I did.....uh, I must have forgotten to turn it off, I was rushing. Say, Im probably going to be out late so just um...just head back to your place and I will call you when I get home" he tells me   unenthused. I hit the alarm on my car to unlock my door.
"Okayyyyyyyy, but you owe me" I sigh.
"I got you" he says in a rushed tone.
"Okay, boo I love..." and the sound of the dial tone crashes in my ear. I know he didnt just hang up on me. I shrug, sometimes theres a bad connection in this neighborhood so Im going to just chalk that one up. As I pull around to make a u turn to head back to the freeway, call me crazy but the light turns off in his room, the very same light I was getting on his case about having on. I mean it either magically or better yet mysteriously cut off.
Then I tell myself, girl, you are seriously tripping. Lord knows, you do not wanna become that terribly, clingy, jealous, hot mess of a woman busting out windows and flatening tires again.
So I shake my head and head home since my plans are shot to hell. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me, because as I look at the clock radio turning to 12:01, I realize that today was actually Wednesday and now Thursday, and Im running myself in circles. I have got to get some sleep.


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